Monday, July 14, 2008

Zero Dollars


Today I accomplished something I never thought possible. I walked out of Target without spending a single dollar. . . or cent for that matter.

No Lie!

Here is how it went down . . . I walked in with my list - after one too many Target trips that resulted in me walking out of there with $100 worth of useless nick nackety trinkets I now never walk in there without a list. My list had 5 items on it.

Before I had been in the store 5 minutes I had already loaded my cart with several non list items. This of course is normal and each item had been assessed for 1. entertainment value = check 2. cheapness = check and 3. necessariness = deemed irrelevant see #1 and #2. Then I hit the section of the store where my list items were located. Surprisingly, Target had none of my list items, not one.

So, I started wandering down the kitchen aisle looking for potential new gadgets that I certainly don't need but would assuredly be wicked fun to use every 6 months. Then, so as to not walk out of Target a consumer failure, I started mentally adding to my list. I could for sure use some new shampoo and what about a new CD case for all my picture discs. Ooh and I have been meaning to get new pens, the ones at work are crappy. And then this thought popped into my head "you could just leave, you know".

It took me a minute to process this avant garde concept and while it swirled around in my brain, I took inventory of my cart. . . . a mini globe ($1 and would be so fun at work), airwick refills ($5, on sale, I think I have one of these), pink tie-die croc knock offs ($9.99, pink-croc-knock offs, need i say more), a canvass bag made entirely of recycled materials ($6, dubious claim, i know), and turkey jerkey.

I don't know where the moment of sanity came from but I just stopped my cart in the middle of the aisle and walked right out of the store. I felt so liberated. So, freed from the irresistible siren song of consumerism. I even felt a little bit proud of myself. I realize this seems pretty ridiculous, never the less it is an accomplishment that has always eluded me.

In case you were wondering, I am plagued with guilt right now that I just left a cart full of stuff sitting in an aisle for someone else to have to restock.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mixed Bag

I feel like I really shouldn't do another post about my garden or a veggie theme of any kind or I risk chasing off the 4 of you who actually read this thing. Variety is the spice of life after all so today's posting will be a mixed bag of randomness that I have stumbled across and found interesting:

1. I don't know anything about flowers but I like taking their picture:




In case you were wondering this is a flower my mom is growing and I don't have the foggiest idea what sort of flower it is.


2. There is a test called the wonderlic test. It is a 50 question test that is supposed to gauge an person's aptitude for "learning and problem-solving in a wide range of occupations." A score of 20 indicates average intelligence and corresponds to an IQ of 100. Apparently it is the working world's equivalent of the SAT.

(For sample questions: http://www.professormoney.com/wonderlic%20sample%20test.htm)


Ok, so you probably don't think that in and of itself isn't all that interesting and I didn't either until I found out that pretty much the only company that uses this test to screen future employees, is the NFL. They actually make their pre-draft picks take it, no lie. I find this to be hilarious. Not that football players can't be intelligent people but really, is it really a primary criteria? Well, despite making their draft picks sit through the test, it apparently does not actually play that large a role in the selection process. Here are the average scores per position:

Offensive tackle: 26
Center: 25
Quarterback: 24
Guard: 23
Tight End: 22
Safety: 19
Linebacker: 19
Cornerback: 18
Wide Receiver: 17
Fullback: 17
Halfback: 16

And apparently it shouldn't really guide draft decisions because, as one might guess of a standardized aptitude test, it really isn't a very good indicator of how good someone might be at football. For example Vince Young, the Titan's star QB, scored a SIX on the test. And Dan Marino only scored a 14. Maybe if he'd scored higher he would be wearing a Superbowl ring . . . NO WAY. Don't get me wrong, I am not sure how Mr. Young can dress himself and only score a 6 on this test (i'd like to pause here to offer up a sample question: The ninth month of the year is: October, January, June, September, or May) but I still don't see what it has to do with football.

Now to be fair, there are NFLers who do very well on the test. Like this years Superbowl QBs Tom Brady and Eli Manning who scored a 33 and 39 respectively. Anyway, I think its funny that an IQ test is part of being drafted into the NFL. That's all.

In case you were wondering, here are the average scores of non NFL occupations:

Chemist: 31
Programmer: 29
Journalist: 26
Sales: 24
Bank Teller: 22
Clerical worker: 21
Security Guard: 17
Warehouse worker: 15

Someone should go tell the Security Guard that he could be making millions playing wide receiver for the NFL.

3. Leon Kass was the Chairman of President Bush's Council on Bioethics. He is what one would call extremely right wing, nut job, conservative. For example, he finds eating ice cream uncivilized. For you doubters, here is an excerpt from his book "The Hungry Soul"

"Worst of all from this point of view are those more uncivilized forms of eating, like licking an ice cream cone --a catlike activity that has been made acceptable in informal America but that still offends those who know eating in public is offensive. I fear I may by this remark lose the sympathy of many reader, people who will condescendingly regard as quaint or even priggish the view that eating in the street is for dogs. Modern America's rising tide of informality has already washed out many long-standing traditions -- their reasons long before forgotten -- that served well to regulate the boundary between public and private; and in many quarters complete shamelessness is treated as proof of genuine liberation from the allegedly arbitrary constraints of manners. To cite one small example: yawning with uncovered mouth. Not just the uneducated rustic but children of the cultural elite are now regularly seen yawning openly in public (not so much brazenly or forgetfully as indifferently and "naturally"), unaware that it is an embarrassment to human self-command to be caught in the grip of involuntary bodily movements (like sneezing, belching, and hiccuping and even the involuntary bodily display of embarrassment itself, blushing). But eating on the street -- even when undertaken, say, because one is between appointments and has no other time to eat -- displays in fact precisely such lack of self-control: It beckons enslavement to the belly. Hunger must be sated now; it cannot wait. Though the walking street eater still moves in the direction of his vision, he shows himself as a being led by his appetites. Lacking utensils for cutting and lifting to mouth, he will often be seen using his teeth for tearing off chewable portions, just like any animal. Eating on the run does not even allow the human way of enjoying one's food, for it is more like simple fueling; it is hard to savor or even to know what one is eating when the main point is to hurriedly fill the belly, now running on empty. This doglike feeding, if one must engage in it, ought to be kept from public view, where, even if WE feel no shame, others are compelled to witness our shameful behavior."

In case you were wondering, I am still trying to figure out how it is that you can be unaware of the embarrassment of blushing
.

4. I have hired a
guard dog to protect my garden from vermin intruders. We decided that in order to maximize success we needed to employ the element of surprise. So, Finnegan has gone deep cover:


In case you were wondering, that's all for today.


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

No Such Thing as a Cute Squirrel

I have a friend named Erica. She is what one would call an animal lover. She is one of those special people who feel an intimate and powerful kinship to the creatures of the world and she doesn't really discriminate. She has a favorite of course, her dog Finnigan, but other than Finny all animals/insects/reptiles/rodents are the same.

Now she's pretty normal about it. You're not going to catch her throwing red paint at people wearing baby seal coats - although she'd consider it but pretty much anyone with a soul should consider it. She's just an animal lover and in fact she's heading off to veterinary school in the Fall so she can be a professional animal lover.

So you might be thinking ok, great for Erica but why exactly is the blog spot light on her? Well you see a few nights ago Erica and I were hanging out chit chatting about this and that when before I know it she is showing me pictures, on her phone, of a litter of baby squirrels she rescued not long ago. She kept trying to convince me that they were so very cute - as only an animal lover or the mother of a goopy newborn can - when really they looked like goopy alien rodents. Despite that fact that newborn anythings are not cute (miraculous/amazing/pure joy, sure. cute, not usually) these things were squirrels who I am currently at war with. Now not these baby squirrels in particular. But give it time. I have no idea what the life span of a squirrel is but as soon as they can I know they'll be pillaging my garden just like the rest of their kind.

So far squirrels have ruined the only yellow squash my plant has managed to yield, my very first chocolate pepper, and now my very first tomato. And here's the thing, they don't just bite it off the vine and scurry away with it to enjoy in their icky nests in our attic, they just take tiny little bites out of the veggie and leave it there. So, I go out to my garden and I see a a perfectly ripe tomato and I get so very excited (ok, more so then perhaps necessary but it is my first tomato in my first garden so whatever) . . .



And then gently twist it off the vine and on the other side I see this . . . .



My lovely tomato with a big gross rodent bite out of it and you just know that it has been macked all over by little squirrel lips.

So, Erica this is why I don't think squirrels are cute. Not at all cute. I do still admire your animal version of the Hippocratic oath and I am glad to know that when I mow down a family of garden thieving squirrels you'll be there to get them back on their feet.

In case you were wondering (Anna), these are the veggies we got from the CSA yesterday (pen for scale, that didn't come with the veggies)