Nalgene

Do you know what this is?
A while ago, on a visit down to Warrenton, I left my Nalgene on Squishy's kitchen counter. A few days later I realized where it was and called her to see if she had found it. The call went like this:

me: hey squishy is my Nalgene in your kitchen?
squishy: what?
me: i think i left my Nalgene on your counter, have you seen it?
squishy: i have no idea what you're talking about but you left your water bottle here the last time you visited.

That sparked a great debate that has lived on ever since. Squishy's basic argument is that no one but me and a few overly athletic others, know what a Nalgene is and that as such it should just be called a water bottle b/c that's all it is. My basic argument is that is just what they're called. Everyone who knows what a Nalgene bottle is calls it "a Nalgene"

This of course isn't a real argument. It is just something we do to tease each other. However, the post regarding the possible poison in the plastic of certain water bottles resuscitated the Great Debate and Squishy decided to take a poll to see just how many people had any idea what a Nalgene is. Here is the question she emailed to several of her friends:

Hello friends. I am in a little debate with a friend of mine over the word NALGENE. If you would be able to take a minute, please tell me if you know what this word means. If you do not, please do not look it up, but instead tell me what you think it means. Sort of a game of balderdash if you will.

Here are a smattering of responses she received:

#1
I have no idea what the word means, but I know that it is a type of plastic..like Jon's water bottles for hiking are Nalgene water bottles...they are practically unbreakable, supposedly. But, maybe you are referring to a different Nalgene? (because I thought it was maybe a brand name, like Band Aid???)

#2
Ummm . . . isn't that the stuff that beer cozies are made from???? Ok, remember that I hate beer!!!!

#3
You got me and Scott. It does not seem familiar to me and I would like to think I have a fairly good vocab.

#4
I do not know what this word means. Nalgene - to be neglectful.

#5
I was with Kevin when we opened it and he had no clue. (unless we look it up) Sorry we couldn't help. - to this comment Squishy added the following:

This from my cousin Kathi and her husband Kevin. He runs marathons and was head council president of Jacksonville-the whole city!!

That is apparently supposed to be proof that even those who are very athletic and involved in politics have no idea what a Nalgene is. Therefore, no one really knows what it is and I am a fool ; ) I would assert that her friend Kelly's response in #1 is proof that I am not, in fact, a fool - Kelly knows precisely what a Nalgene is (she even sings its indestructible praises) she just doesn't know she knows. . . by any other name would smell as sweet

Now perhaps Nalgene's are not as ubiquitous as I would assert (the fact that I own four might skew my perception). However, they were on the Today Show for pete sake. Matt Lauer sat right next to HUGE NERD Doctor (who decided it was necessary to wear a stethoscope despite the fact that he was discussing chemically tainted water bottles and not heart disease or respiratory issues. And actually even if was talking about heart disease or other heath issues where a stethoscope might be needed, he sure as all get out isn't checking anyones heart beat on the Today Show. Maybe he thought he was going to be in one of those "I'm Not a Doctor But I Play One On TV commercials) and the two of them knowingly discussed Nalgene's. Sadly, some Nalgenes are fashioned out of the poison plastic. None of mine thankfully, but the one I gave my brother for Christmas is of the poison variety. Don't worry he's aware and I'll replace with a non reproductive organ destroying one.

All in all I believe the debate continues, she's right that to some, perhaps a majority of a certain slice of society a Nalgene is just a water bottle and requires no unique title. And I am right that to others, perhaps a majority of a different slice of society a Nalgene is a very unique drinking container and therefore is appropriately distinguished from the generic 'water bottles'.

This way is actually more fun. Neither of us would really enjoy being "right". It would limit the mockery options. As it is, I can promise you that in 50 yrs I'll be hanging out in Squishy's kitchen drinking out of a Nalgene and she'll be heckling me about it. We're going to be very entertaining geezers (at least to ourselves). So, call it what you like or call it nothing at all. The Nalgene is not for everyone. If it is for you, just avoid the #7s.

In case you were wondering, my favorite reply is #4, Nalgene - to be neglectful. I can go with that. I am going to see if I can work it into a sentence this week.

AFAC

The Arlington Food Assistance Center is the food pantry for Arlington county. It provides supplemental groceries to Arlington county residents that can't afford all the food they need. According to their web site (http://www.afacinfo.org/index.html):

"In our Fiscal Year 2007 (7/1/2006– 6/30/2007) we served 31,672 families and distributed 897,055 pounds of food. Volunteers donated 14,750 hours of time."

I have had the pleasure of volunteering with some of the folks at AFAC and they're all really sharp and really kind people. A few weeks ago Kelly and I dropped off some surplus Easter baskets to AFAC. Kelly's company had done an Easter basket charity thing and they had some 25 baskets without a home. I called my friendly AFAC contact, Joe, and asked her if the could use the extra baskets. They surely could so Kelly dropped them off and for the next two days I got emails from Joe thanking us for thinking of AFAC. A few weeks later we got a thank you letter from the executive director of AFAC. It was a nice feeling. Giving usually is.

As a result I was in contact with Joe at just the right time to discover that April is Feinstein challenge month. The way the challenge works is that Mr. Feinstein puts up $1 million as a challenge and up to that $1 million he matches all cash donations dollar for dollar and he matches food donations, 1lb of food = $1. So, Kelly in her role as member of the Club NII Charity Foundation, recommended AFAC be Club NII's April charity. And thus the giving commenced.

For the past few days Kelly has been bringing bags of food home from work. The living room looks like a Harris Teeter. The donations had to be made by Friday so we can get everything to AFAC by the 30th. So last night we had all the contributions piled up in the living room and Kelly did a tally of items. She took the paper with all the stats on it to work so she could inform everyone of just how generous they had been, so all I really remember is that there were 24 boxes of cereal, 21 boxes of pasta, 10 cans of canned meat, several jars of pasta sauce, 4 jars of PB and 4 jars of J, and countless other items. And then there was $700 in cash donations.

The food drive is over so I am not rambling on about this b/c I am soliciting yet another can of tuna. Rather I wanted to share this with you b/c last night when I was watching Kelly count through this giant bounty of food stuffs I was struck with a feeling of joyous relief. Relief that there are good people out there, doing good things just b/c they need to get done. Too often all we hear about are bad people doing bad things (FREAKSHOW in Austria, for example). Apparantly, not only do we have innumerable problems, a lot of of them are seemingly insurmountable, mostly b/c, apparently, the average human is bad and doing bad things.

This of course isn't true, it only feels true sometimes. The truth is less grim. There are good people out there doing good things, see . . . .



In case you ARE wondering, I'll get the total tally from Kelly tonight.

In Case You Were Wondering

So here are a few things that I have come across in the past few days that I thought might be worth sharing with you may adoring fan base, all 5 of you ;)

In case you were wondering just how many calories there are in a blooming onion at Outback, here's the article for you . . .

http://www.nypost.com/seven/04212008/news/regionalnews
/read_calorie_count__weep_107394.htm

NYC is leading the latest attempt at curbing US obesity with new legislation that requires restaurants to inform patrons of the caloric content of the menu items. I will be interested to see if this has any actual impact on people's choices. In addition to listing the actual calorie count next to each menu item I think they should institute an icon system - like they do with chili peppers at thai restaurants to indicate spicyness. For example, they could put a picture of John Candy next to the Blooming Onion (2,275 calories) and a picture of Mama Cass next to the Cheese Fries (2,900 calories). What can I say, I am a visual learner.

In case you were wondering when the price of stamps was going to increase, here is a friendly tip. . . as of May 12th the stamp will cost .42. (http://www.usps.com/prices/) And what are you getting for your additional 1 cent? Nothing, the US Mail will still take its own dang time delivering stuff to you. PS - In case you have a large surplus of .41 stamps laying around, I would just like to let you know that I love getting mail.

In case you were wondering, this is how some people celebrated Earth Day . . .


This guy was participating in "the highly popular rain barrel workshop" which involves "recycling pickle barrels into rain barrels, to use to collect rain water from your home and reuse it in your garden." Apparently it also involves shoving yourself into said pickle barrel and rolling around on the floor. I'm not making this up: http://www.co.arlington.va.us/departments/EnvironmentalServices/EnvironmentalServicesEarthDay.aspx

I have also had a bit of feedback on my post about handicapped bathroom stall etiquette. Apparently in addition to etiquette Sean was curious about the utilization rate of handicapped stalls as "they are the largest real estate investment in bathrooms and it is never used." Good point Mr. Owens but in that vein what about handicapped parking. Talk about prime real estate that it almost never fully utilized.

Squishy also requested that I amend my exceptions to the stated rules of when to properly use the handicapped stall to include situations where you have kids with you. Her proposed revision:

You may also use the handi stall if you have children. Try getting into a normal sized stall with 3 kids (of course this was when they were all little and you couldn’t just tell them to stay outside because they might run away or pull out yards and yards of paper towels while waiting for you to get out. Also, when potty training, you have to go in the stall with them to make sure they don’t pee all over the floor or neglect to wipe their bottoms after a big poop. And you also have to keep the other two kids in there as well b/c of the aforementioned reasons.

I can get behind that exception. I think a handicapped person would prefer to wait a few minutes to use the stall designated for them in lieu of walking into a bathroom filled with crazy kids and paper towel mayhem.

Well I hope this has effectively reduced the number of things you need to wonder about today.

Ivy House Update

Turns out that the Ivy House tulips weren't entirely eradicated . . . .
Ryan took a bike ride past the old homestead and although it isn't quite the beautimus flower garden it once was, apparently Jeff Scott left some of the lovely ladies in tact. Kurt, your legacy lives on ; )

Happy Earth Day

I don't know what it is like where you are but where I am it is gorgeous out. Earth is really showing off and throwing herself/himself/whatever quite a party. If you're interested in the history of Earth Day, here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Day

The fact my brother is going to get a kick out of the most: the US Earth Day was established by a man named Gaylord.

Anyway, there is a lot of Earth that I haven't had a chance to visit yet. But from what I have seen so far I'm pretty taken with her/him/whatever. Here's to Earth, hip hip hooray.






















In case you were wondering, Jim completed the Boston marathon in 3 hours, 41 minutes, and 32 seconds. He averaged an 8:27 mile pace, finished 9,671 out of 25,283, and raised over $9,000. Well done Jim, congratulations!!

Go Jim Go

Jim is currently averaging a 7:57 mile pace and is somewhere just past the halfway mark in the Boston marathon. If you want to track him yourself:

http://www.baa.org/ Bib number 21742

I ran my one and only marathon in 1999. Just enough time has passed to make me think that I would like to do another one but not so much time has passed to make me forget just how much race Jim has ahead of him. Halfway in a marathon is really not very far. Mentally its pretty grueling to know that you have 13.1 more miles ahead of you. In fact with each passing mile your mind can become more of an issue than your body. I am quite sure my mind would have successfully mutinied and had me quit my marathon had it not been for Wakie . . . topically relevant b/c she's Jim's wife.

Wakie met me at mile 17 of the Marine Corp Marathon and when she found me I was just barely shuffling by. I had already been out paced by a guy NOT wearing shoes and another guy dressed head to toe as Big Bird. Not a good things for one's self esteem especially when facing 9.2 more miles. Had it not been for a very energetic Wakie ready and waiting to escort me around Haines Point I am pretty sure I would have slowed to a walk and then to a sit and in fact I would probably still be sitting on the curb next to those crazies who fish out of the Potomac. But Wakie was there and she herded me past a few water stops, the lone DJ at the tip of Haines Point, and across the 13th Street Bridge, which imports tsunami winds from the south pacific just for race day.

From there we found Tori and the two of them guided me the final 3 miles of the race, which included a few few glimpses of Hammer, McSiracusa, and Jeanine as they peered on tip toes over the crowd. It was hard, I was rendered mute with exhuastion (which if you know me, is saying A LOT), and I couldn't really feel my lower body. But it was one of the best things I ever did. Partly if not entirely b/c of the people I did it with. I can't say I would recommend going out and running a marathon but I do recommend doing something that pushes yourself to the point of needing your friends to help you out. Just ask Squishy and Angie. . . or the Beatles. It is a pretty awesome thing.

Ok, so enough about my marathon and back to Jim's. The whole impetus for this post is that Jim is out there enduring 26.2 miles to raise money and awareness for Homes for Our Troops. He's gotten a lot of support from his friends and it is a pretty awesome thing.

Jim will be hitting mile 19 soon and that's the place most runner's hit their wall. If you get chance, send him a mental "come on Jim, you can do it." Whatever you do, don't send him a mental "come on Jim, you're almost there" NEVER tell a marathoner that they're "almost there" until the finish line is in sight. When you've run 25.2 miles, even one more mile is not almost there.

Good Luck Jim!!

In case you were wondering, the Boston Marathon is run on the same day every year, the 3rd Monday in April - known to those in Massachusetts, Maine, and Wisconsin (???) as Patriot's Day. This is the day they celebrate 'the shot heard round the world'. The Red Sox always have a home game on this day and they schedule it so that the game is ending as the marathon runners are passing through Boston. If you live in MA, ME, or WI and are a school kid, you get today off - so go cheer for Jim.

I'll Kick You Out of My House . . .

. . . If You Don't CUT THAT HAIR




What do you think, mohawk or flat top? Or maybe Flock of Seaguls?

And in case you were wondering, one of my two basil plants is making a comeback . . . the other one, not so much

Several years ago (and by that I mean like 6) one of my roommates decided to plant tulip bulbs in the front of Ivy House. The area he selected was a 2.5 by 3.5 foot dirt section outlined by cracked and crooked bricks. It was flanked by the driveway and the road so it was about 1 part soil and 2 parts roadway debris. Despite the rather inhospitable environment, the tulips thrived.

Every April they sprung up with gusto, decorating the front of Ivy House and immediately (though temporarily) making the place look slightly less tenement and slightly more well kept suburban home. I loved watching the tulips come up. I loved how incongruent they were with the cracked driveway, the rotting wooden porch stairs, and the general disrepair of the facade they graced. They were going to come up and be beautiful regardless of their surroundings. Perhaps they even knew that because of their surroundings they would shine a little bit brighter. With Ivy House as their backdrop, they were surely to be noticed. And don't tell me flowers don't care about such things. If they didn't they care about being beautiful they would just be grass.

Anyway, every year they would pop up and every year I would take a zillion and one photos of them. I would wait for one of those perfect spring days, the sort we only have after 5 days of rain and 45 degree weather. Those days where the sky looks like the opening scene of the Simpsons, all perfectly blue with little fluff balls of clouds floating by. On those days I would grab my camera and take as many pictures as my memory card could hold. I shot them from every angle, sometimes contorting myself to in order to eliminate the cracked driveway and the rotting wooden stairs from view.


I would do this for about 20 minutes until I was convinced there were no new way to capture these flowers, colors, and shapes. Then I would make Kim sit through a viewing of all zillion and one pictures. If you know Kim, she did this with infinite and encouraging patience.

Well, I've moved out of Ivy House. It has been returned to its original owner who, for reasons unknown to anyone who ever crossed the Ivy House threshold, decided to actually move into the house instead of having it razed and then starting a new. Several weeks after he moved in I had to go by the house to pick up some odds and ends. It was a late October evening and by then the tulips had long since abandoned their claim to the dirt patch. What should have been there was . . . well . . . a dirt patch. An empty dirt patch anxiously awaiting the following April when it would once again be transformed into a flower garden. Instead, what was there were 4 squat roundish boring shrubs (perhaps boring and shrubs is redundant). Jeff Scott had torn up the tulips and replaced them with shrubs. He managed to tear up the only beautiful not run down part of Ivy House. I stood there for a minute almost in shock and decidedly mournful.

But such is life. It wasn't my house anymore so I no longer had any topiary decision making authority. Time to move on. Let Jeff Scott enjoy his shrubs and I'd always have my 900,000 tulip photos.

So, in case you were wondering what in the world the point of this post is . . . the point is that . . . there are tulips at my new house (well its Kelly's new house but you know what I mean). The other day, tulips starting popping up all over the front lawn. It was such a sweet sight to see the little buds poking through the ground just waiting to erupt into colorful little buds of joy. Yeah, yeah. I know, I am being a over the top but whatever. So I toted my camera out this week-end, because we had one of those perfect spring days, and I took my zillion and one pictures of the Lexington Tulips. They are quite lovely and a suitable successor to the Ivy House Tulips. I'll spare you the full library of photos (Kim is in Spain so Kelly stepped in and was equally patient and encouraging)

Well its been a busy week so I haven't had a chance to actually sit down and "blog" - I wonder if they have added that to the dictionary yet. Verb, Noun, its got it all. Anyway, the sun is out, my muse is back, and I actually have quite a bit to share today . . .

#1: I have a great love of Alaska. It is one of the most spectacularly beautiful places I have ever been. Every time I go there I fall just a little more deeply in love . It also has some great husbands - just ask Beth and An. Anyway, telling you about how great Alaska is, is really sort of a waste. You just need to go there, you really do. But in the meantime I thought I would let you know that Alaska week is coming up on the Discovery channel. Check it out:
http://dsc.discovery.com/tv/alaska/alaska-week.html

#2: Apparently discussing Nalgene bottles conjures me into the minds of my friends. I had four different people send me the links below (which I appreciate b/c I otherwise would not have seen this and I do enjoy people looking out for my health and well being.):

http://www.plasticsnews.com/blog/2008/04/today_show_slams_plastic_bottl.html

#3: I love the Red Sox and I really don't like the Yankees (particularly Poser Posada) but this is funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp_sr5oYIL0&feature=related

#4: I know this is pretty lame but it is none the less true, I detest having to make myself coffee. I think maybe I just hate monotonousness of having to measure out 3 cups of water and 3 scoops of grounds every single solitary night before I go to bed. It certainly isn't a difficult task and in truth only takes about 3.8 minutes but still, I HATE IT.

Now I am not telling you this to elicit sympathy. Nor am I asserting that this is in any way a real problem or anything more than me whining. I am telling you this to share with you the new love affair I am having with my free Senseo coffee machine. I got it for taking a survey and for paying $15 shipping and handling bucks. And it is coffee making nirvana. It has a big tank that you can fill up and will last for about 8 cups of coffee. It has little pods of coffee - think round tea bag filled with coffee grounds. And all you do is press 2 buttons and coffee comes out. Start to finish it takes 5 min and it is pretty good coffee, even has an espresso'ish froth. If you'd like one of your very own:

https://www.sharesenseo.com/q5/1.jsp;jsessionid=BD80C9610D28361C53E42F037B8F89B7

Say it with me people, Let's Go Senseo, Let's Go Senseo . . .

#5: This week-end is the KICKS Against Breast Cancer Soccer tournament in Maryland. This is mostly only noteworthy to me (and therefore to some of you) because William & Mary is going to be playing against Penn State. What this really means to me is JD vs Ann Cook - b/c I don't know a single kid actually playing in the game. I am just a huge fan of the people coaching the game . . . I will turn your flesh to alabaster, Then you will find your servant is your master. . . .not really but that pops into my head whenever I think of any of us coaching against JD.

#6: The CSA that Kelly and I joined publishes (via email) a weekly farm newsletter. It is written by the farmer. I have never met the man but based on these newsletters I am going to guess that he's an enjoyer of pot, Richard Bach, and VW vans with "give peace a chance" bumper stickers. His newsletters are typically about 6 to 8 pages long and have approximately 5 sentences of information about the actual farm. The remainder of the newsletter is a jumbly narrative that meanders through topics, timeframes, and subjects as if 4 different people are trying to tell 6 different versions of the same story. It entertains me but I never really have any idea what he's talking about. I just received this week's newsletter. It is 6 pages long and this is how it begins:

"Outside my window I see our car parked under the pear tree. And there's a blue bird on a lower limb of the tree.

A male blue bird with its bright shiny blue and rusty red feathers.

And every few minutes, there he goes, up in the air, hovers outside the car window. And then...

He attacks.

Attacking what? I don't know. I'm not a bird, not a male bluebird. I can only make a human guess.

Maybe that bluebird reflection in the window?

All's I can say is, with any confidence, he's nuts,

Male bird nuts.

But then, that's nothing new. this is the season, the time of year for nutty bird behavior."

From there he launches into a four page story about a pair of mating grouses who routinely made him late to work b/c they did their "mating dance" in the middle of his driveway.

At the end of the newsletter he let us know that there are free eggs available if we want to go pick them up at the farm this week-end. Also that the asparagus does not like cold damp soil so it is not ready to be picked.

In case you were wondering, all of my Nalgene's are number 2s so I am not in any danger of drinking nasty chemicals that will shrivel my reproductive organs.

Its Alive, Its Alive

In case you were wondering, Spike is doing really really well.

Day 6:



Day 10:


I think I am going to give him a trim tonight. There isn't enough hair in the back for a mullet but I think we've got the makings of a brilliant mohawk.

All of the Rain, None of the Coffee

Its been like Seattle here for about a week now. And not the fun, artsy, coffee loving, gorgeous Puget Sound Seattle. The rainy, dreary, gray, read Sylvia Plath, invest in gortex Seattle. Now in fairness to Seattle, every time I have been there it has been gorgeous and sunny. The Seattle I am comparing today to is more like the one in the depressing scenes in Sleepless in Seattle.

Anyway, its dreary all up and down the east coast. I know this because both Liz and
Carden are complaining about there own weather induced dull drums. I am sure if I contacted Melone she'd report the same. The sun has apparently taken a hiatus from the east coast. It is even cloudy in Florida.

Yeah, yeah I know, April showers bring May flower. But whatever, I'm tired of the rain.

However, that is the end of the crabbing in this post. I suppose its half vent half caveat. It is because of above mentioned weather that I have not really felt all that inspired. I suppose sunshine is my muse. Alas I felt compelled to offer up something so here is another grab bag of things you might be wondering about:

In case you were wondering how observant are you: http://www.dothetest.co.uk/

In case you were wondering about a delicious red wine & you happen to be a fan of Pinot Noir from Oregon:Foris, Pinot Noir, Oregon, 2006. Average rating from Kelly & me: 8

Things I will never wonder about: "Facebook unveils instant message feature" This was an actual headline on cnn.com. Really? Is that news?

In case you were wondering more about bathroom etiquette (courtesy of my brother): http://www.justadrop.net/products.html

In case you were wondering, it took Liz all day to complete this puzzle (and I am still working on it):


Oh and lastly, in case you were wondering, I came in 8th place with 79 points in my March Madness pool. This is despite having picked UCLA and UNC to go to the final game with UNC winning. Thanks nutter, it was a great run.

If At First You Don't Succeed

Well I am sad to report that the basil is not recovering. And although I will take some if not most of the blame, I do think it has something to do with the fact that the sun has not really been around for most of this week. Regardless they have withered almost beyond recognition and I might just have to turn them into compost and put them out of their misery. I have to say it’s a tad discouraging. However, after a nice pep talk from Liz I decided not to throw in the trowel (yea Dave, that was just for you).

So, I have embarked on a second attempt at gardening with renewed hope. This attempt is what one might call remedial but hey, you gotta restart somewhere. Let me introduce you all to Spike (Cookie the real Spike in still #1 in my heart):

Spike is the pet version of a "Grow-A-Head" . . . (http://www.grow-a-head.com/index/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1). I got him as a birthday gift from my aforementioned Green Thumb Mom. I highly recommend Grow-A-Heads for anyone ages 5 to 85. Fun for kids of all ages.

Anyway, back to Spike. He has Rye Perennial Grass seeds planted in his head along with coir dust, peat moss and fertilizer. These last items are there to ensure that almost no matter what you do Spike will grow grass hair. The process is divinely simple: soak Spike in water, cover Spike with plastic container (provided with kit), keep Spike’s vase full of water and his wick totally submerged, remove container once hair appears. I figured it would be fun to plot this journey together so I will keep you posted on Spike’s hair growth. I already have a request from my brother to turn it into a mullet as soon as possible.

In case you were wondering, coir dust is a renewable resource made from coconut husks. Formerly a waste product left behind during coconut processing, coir dust is often used as an all-natural alternative to peat moss. Cool, right?

Toilet Talk

It is out great affinity for Mr. Owens that I am posting an entire blog dedicated solely to bathroom etiquette. . .

So, what are there etiquette rules that dictate when you can and cannot use the handicapped bathroom stall (Yes Sean, they have these in women's bathrooms).

Well the easy answer is: If you’re not handicapped, do not use the handicapped bathroom stall. Now I am not saying that is the ‘right’ answer. I am just saying that is the easiest because, as you’re about to see, determining when is and is not the appropriate time to use the handicap stall is a rather complicated process.

First, as a well trained consultant, I have listed the assumptions made when deriving this paradigm.

Assumptions:

1. The handicapped stall is the only stall available

2. You are not, in fact, handicap

3. You are a person who would be embarrassed if you walked out of a handicap stall and found an actual handicap person there waiting for your able bodies self to get out of their stall.

4. Men only use stalls when they have to do more than just pee.

4a. The average man will therefore be in a stall longer than the average woman.

Ok, so the decision for appropriate use of a handicapped stall by a non handicapped person is a function of the following variables:

#1 If you are a man or a woman?

#2 How many handicap stalls are there in the bathroom?

#3 How many handicap people are in the facility you are currently in?

#4 What time of day is it?

It is really all about assessing and minimizing the odds that you’re going to be occupying the handicapped stall when a handicapped person is in need of it.

If you’re a man, and there is only 1 handicapped stall in the bathroom, and you know there is at least one handicapped person in the facility, and it is prime bathroom time (right after morning coffee/right after lunch) you probably shouldn’t be using the handicapped stall.

If it’s not prime time but all other factors remain the same, you probably still should refrain. If it’s not prime time and/or the ratio of handicapped stalls to handicapped people is more equitable then you’re probably ok.

If you’re a woman and there is only 1 handicapped stall in the bathroom, and you know there is at least one handicapped person in the facility, and it is prime bathroom time, you probably shouldn’t either but if you’re gonna be quick about it you’re likely to be ok.

So to summarize, the easy answer is - don’t use the handicapped stall if you’re not a handicapped person. If you don’t like that answer start counting stalls and have your statical data on hand next time you walk into the bathroom.

NOTE: There is one notable exception to all of this. Sometimes when you gotta go, you GOTTA GO. In those situations, all bets are off and all stalls are open for business.

The Cherry Blossoms are here

It was 76 degrees and sun shiney yesterday, here in the DC metro area. As a result I determined that the best way to spend such a lovely day was walking around the tidal basin enjoying the cherry blossoms. So in case you were wondering where I was yesterday, I was here:




Looking at these pretties:





















(Sean, I saw you. The topic is in the bullpen)

In honor of April Fool's day I was going to write to you all and regale you with tales of the origins of this interesting tradition, dare I say holiday. However, as a poured over the wikipedia entry I realized that the history of April Fool's day is actually really pretty boring and mostly nonsensical. At some point Chaucer was involved and really at no point was it funny. So I will spare you.

What I did find sort of entertaining were the real life public pranks that have taken place over the years. Those seemed worth sharing:

• Alabama Changes the Value of Pi: The April 1998 newsletter of New Mexicans for Science and Reason contained an article written by physicist Mark Boslough claiming that the Alabama Legistature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi to the "Biblical value" of 3.0.
• Spaghetti trees: The BBC television program Panorama ran a famous hoax in 1957, showing the Swiss harvesting spaghetti from trees. They had claimed that the despised pest the spaghetti weevil had been eradicated. A large number of people contacted the BBC wanting to know how to cultivate their own spaghetti trees.
• Left Handed Whoppers: In 1998, Burger King ran an ad in USA Today, saying that people could get a Whopper for left-handed people whose condiments were designed to drip out of the right side. Not only did customers order the new burgers, but some specifically requested the "old", right-handed burger.
• Taco Liberty Bell: In 1996, Taco Bell took out a full-page advertisement in The New York Times announcing that they had purchased the Liberty Bell to "reduce the country's debt" and renamed it the "Taco Liberty Bell."
• San Serriffe: The Guardian printed a supplement in 1977 praising this fictional resort, its two main islands (Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse), its capital (Bodini), and its leader (General Pica). Intrigued readers were later disappointed to learn that San Serriffe (sans serif) did not exist except as references to typeface terminology.
• Smell-o-vision: In 1965, the BBC purported to conduct a trial of a new technology allowing the transmission of odor over the airwaves to all viewers. Many viewers reportedly contacted the BBC to report the trial's success.
• Tower of Pisa: The Dutch TV news reported once in the 1950s that the Tower of Pisa had fallen over.
• Crazy Canucks: The Canadian news site bourque.org announced in 2002 that Finance Minster Paul Martin had resigned "in order to breed prize Charolais cattle and handsome Fawn Runner ducks.

I must confess that I am really not a fan of having pranks pulled on me. As a result I refrain from pulling them on others and thereby reduce the chances that I am going to find my office supplies stuck in jello or the toilet seat saran wrapped. So anyway, I wish you all a prank free April Fools Day.

In case you were wondering, New Mexicans for Science and Reason is a real group. They even have their own podcast: http://www.nmsr.org/